Romie’s my homie…

So parenthood is great.  The baby is awesome and my new best friend.  As far as I go, however, I have been scotch taping myself back together since giving birth and I’m not too sure how well I’m pulling it off.  I have to wear these fun little plastic cups in my bra to keep anything from touching my “pointy parts”, since they are now chew toys and hurt incredibly.  I discovered that they also serve as small milk cups that collect, well, milk from one while nursing from the other breast.  There are small ventilation holes in the cups as well, so when I try to remove the milk filled cup from my bra, it pukes the milk all down the front of me, which is fun…. Speaking of puke, Roman pulled an “exorcist” this morning during a routine burp and expelled the contents of his stomach all over my chest, and since I was lying in bed, it trickled down my neck and into my hair, which remains unwashed, so I have that nice, spoiled breast milk smell.  Who fucking cares, eh?  At least when I go out in public people will get one sniff of me and say, “OH!  She’s a MOM!  Here I was thinking she was homeless from her appearance, but now that I smelled her, I know she’s got a baby!  It’s so obvious now!”

I’ve also decided that my prego cousin Kenzie is not getting any of my maternity clothes after all, since I will still be wearing them for an indefinite amount of time.  It’s heartbreaking, really.  But I’ll be back in my whore clothes some day.  I might be 40… and be one of those nasty whore grandma’s who look like they raided their daughter’s closet, but hey, it’s cool.  It’s my body, I’ll do what I want!  You don’t know me!  You don’t know me!  Shut the *bleep* up!  *Bleep* you!  You don’t know me!!!!  …..  I need to watch SO much less daytime talk-show TV….

8/11/2007 12:38:00 PM

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