So parenthood is great.  The baby is awesome and my new best friend.  As far as I go, however, I have been scotch taping myself back together since giving birth and I’m not too sure how well I’m pulling it off.  I have to wear these fun little plastic cups in my bra to keep […]

Read more "Romie’s my homie…"

I probably have only a few minutes… ack.. make that seconds (he stirs) before he summons me for the next feeding, but that’s okay because I have nothing to bitch about.  Well, with the exception of all my girly bits hurting like all get out, but that’s a given, I suppose. Roman Enrique Dane Ortega […]

Read more "He’s Heeeerrrreeeee!!!!!!"

Roman was a no show again today, which could be considered a blessing since he would have shared a birthday with Hank’s ex-wife, Sheri (pronounced SHEH-REEEE instead of sherry… like some kind of french redneck or a hooker or something).  I do suppose the baby has 40 more minutes to make his appearance, but unless […]

Read more "I didn’t want him to come anyway…. :("

All those years I spent praying for a clear complexion and a skinny body I should have spent praying for an on time delivery for my second child.  This is driving me mad here.  Had contractions yesterday, got myself all excited for the onset of labor… and today… NUFFIN.  No cramps, not contractions… nada.  I […]

Read more "Happy stupid due date, everyone!"

So, I was wondering if I could file for social security benefits if my son lives inside of me for the rest of his life.  I mean, having a child in-utero indefinitely has to be some kind of disability, right? Just for the record, if anyone asks you if you want your membranes stripped, make […]

Read more "Does pregnancy take years off your life cuz I feel like Im dying…"

Usually I dread my birthday, and I guess this year is no exception.  I am paranoid, cranky and unnecessarily emotional on my birthday so it is probably a blessing that hardly anyone sees me on my birthday except my mom and Hank who are used to me being paranoid, cranky and unnecessarily emotional. *lies down […]

Read more "Very long… very un-funny.. pitty me.. birfday blog…"

I’m scared that once this pregnancy is over there are a few benefits I will lose.  The first and formost thing that I’ll miss is that I won’t have an excuse to eat whatever in the sam hell I want to.  Craving an entire loaf of zucchini bread?  Why not have 2?  The baby NEEDS […]

Read more "Things I will miss…"

Well, I had this weekend to myself for the most part.  It’s creeepy.  I’m hardly ever alone so I do productive things to keep myself occupied like watching court tv until 2 am just so I know all the ways lonely, scared women can be stalked and killed in the night.  Watching forensic files is […]

Read more "There is no subject… just pointless drivel…"

I’m getting into some personal information here, so some might want to avert their eyes.  It’s female and gross and involves pregnant woman doo-dads, so now you have been warned.  Anyway, yesterday at my doctor appointment, I was given an internal exam to see how far dilated, etc I was.  Well, while I looked away, […]

Read more "Yucky-poo girly gunk… read at your own discretion"

I lied.  I said I’d be sitting here doing nuffin until “baby day”, but I lied.  I will now be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to beg, borrow, buy and possibly steal my way into having everything this tiny varmint needs when he arrives.  We received a lot of […]

Read more "Babies need so much crap! haha."