So, I was thinking the other day about my life and it’s ominous lack of achievements. I’m nearly 28 for Christ’s sake (that’s right. I age for no one but for the love of the Lamb… hah) and what exactly do I have to show for it besides a creative writing award given to me […]Read more "Things I’ve gotten good at since I growed up"
Since I have recently (30 minutes ago) decided that charm is one of the most desirable qualities in a mate, a friend or a fuck buddy, I’m going to write a Valentine’s Day blog about charm. I am, of course, considering myself to be highly qualified in the topic since I have charmed many a […]Read more "Be charming in 5 lessons… OR LESS!!!"
Here it comes… the weekend to end all weekends… the BABY SHOWER. Then I’m done. No more runnin’ round, no more stress… just anxious anticipation of pain and sweat and possibly having a bowel movement in front of an audience. For the first time in 9 months, I’m having some doubts. Not that doubt can […]Read more "I’m not telling… (avoiding the advocates)…"
So maybe Armageddon won’t happen. Maybe the anti-Christ in my womb won’t be born and he’ll develop into full adult hood inside my stomach, ruling the world from uterine safety. I’m now a bomb shelter. I KNOW, I know, I’m not even to my due date yet but I’m pretty well READY to be done! […]Read more "Hurry up… and wait…."
I think I ruptured my stomach. I feel insanely full, yet I keep succeeding in fitting more food in there. I’m going to think I’m going into labor and instead of my water breaking, Cap’n Crunch is going to fly out of my butt. Em little crunch berries is good. So I’m watching more “SHOCKING […]Read more "The stupid things that come out of (and go into) my mouth…"
So we filled 2 grocery carts full of crap today at the Mart. It was embarrassing that people were looking at us like we are the people who lived in a shoe (with the kids, not knowing what to do… nevermind). The REALLY sad thing was that the cashier said she had seen worse, meaning […]Read more "Subject: A whole butt-load of stuff…"
Ok, I’m not going to bitch about my body today. EVEN though my maternity clothes are starting to feel like sausage casings on me, I’m not complaining. I’m NESTING! Yessirree, I’m doing pointless things! I mean, more pointless than usual. The house is still a disaster, the carpet is too dirty to even feel comfortable […]Read more "Nesting and Resting"