A lesson in goat giving…

So I have Christmas on the brain already.  I’m trying to become a better person this year, as far as gift giving goes… not that I haven’t been a decent giver in the past.  I’ve always tried to personalize gifts, making things for loved ones and buying gifts that I think would be pleasant to receive, but this year I guess I’m trying to think of ways to become more “green”.  I have been scouring the internet looking for creative craft projects that won’t kill my budget and will be Eco-friendly.  So far I have spent the past week crocheting a bigger plastic bag out of many (many) smaller plastic bags.  I can’t help feeling redundant.  Sure I’ve always wanted something to use my millions of used grocery bags for, but this feels sort of, well, stupid.  And I have come to realize that NO ONE on my gift list would love to open a present to discover it’s a (gasp!) giant plastic bag bag.  “Wow, Devon.  You must have spent.. oh… NOTHING on this.  How thoughtful.”  And plus it looks like crap.

So I was just searching for new ideas and was very smitten with the idea of buying everyone a goat.  Well, they won’t actually HAVE the goat, but it will be a little goat for people who eat goat products but can’t afford a goat of their own.  The web-site sales pitch consisted of a tiny cute little Honduran girl (maybe a Colombian girl?  I can’t tell… She could have been from Jersey for all I know) hugging the living shit out of a tinier cuter little goat.

This is NOT the original image. Pretend it is. Also, I'm confident this girl is Asian, not Latina. Pretend. Image credit: http://cute-n-tiny.com/tag/goat/
This is NOT the original image. Pretend it is. Also, I’m confident this girl is Asian, not Latina. Pretend. Image credit: http://cute-n-tiny.com/tag/goat/

I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I wanted to do that.  Not hug a goat, really, but give some needy little girl a goat to hug and smother with love until it’s big enough to eat or whatever.  It seemed like a noble idea.  Maybe buy a goat-o-gram for everyone on my list.  A gift of charity in their names.  But NO one likes that.  My niece could hug and snuggle her Certificate of Giving like that little Honduran (Jamaican?) girl?  It’s not going to fly.  They’d rather have the actual goats, I think, having the option to either keep it or give it to local starving Hondurans (Puerto Ricans?).  But this idea gave into a certain degree of introspection.  Why did I want to do this?  Do I actually think recipients would appreciate a gift of charity in their name?  No.  I KNOW that this isn’t something my family would REALLY want.  This would be selfish on MY part.  Just because I want to give doesn’t give me the right to donate THEIR gifts.  Would I give if I could afford it?  Sure I would.  But my Christmas gift giving budget isn’t “mad money” that I can give away.  If I want to give to charity, I should take money out of the morgage payment money… or the cable bill money since that money won’t cause an enormous family “to-do”.  Sure, the cable company might shut off service, but they won’t talk about me behind my back saying… “what the fuck is this all about?  Devon giving us goats that we can’t even SEE for x-mas???  What a bitch”.  I’m sure to my face, they’d be gratuitous, thanking me and what not, but I personally have gotten a gift like this and was not amused.  An ex-boyfriend bought me a star in my name, which was a very thoughtful gift, I suppose, but what the hell good did it do?  I mean, did the people who he bought the star from actually OWN the star?  Did he get a title to said star?  Would the star someday cause sustenance for some deprived planet?  It’s like he bought me an acre of the Atlantic Ocean.  I felt he had bought me a scam.

ANYWAY… my point (i guess) is that I CAN’T donate to charity using someone else’s Christmas present money.  *sigh*… it’s not fair the the recipient because they might not like Hondurans (Phillipinos?)… or goats… or charity for that matter.  I will have to use my own resources to do good.  I’m considering starting my own goat farm and then shipping the baby goats over to… um… well, wherever in boxes… perhaps wrapped in Christmas paper.  I suppose that my mother would remind me that I already have enough shit in the yard from the dogs, why would goat shit make it more tolerable?  To this, I would say, “It’s for charity, Mother.  Get off my fucking back and help me box up these goats.”

Therefore, I will see you at 5am on Black Friday.  You’ll recognize me by the way I push you down and step on you to get to the $3 barbie display.  Happy Giving, everyone!!

11/18/2007 10:49:00 AM

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